Co-Parenting and the Game of Tug of War

Co-parenting after a breakup or divorce can be just like a game of tug of war. You think you have a grasp on the rope as does the other side and each side does their very best to pull momentum and make things go their way.

One person can say screw this and let go. Sometimes you must! Sometimes you must lose a round just to protect your sanity. Been there, done that! I mean you can’t win ‘em all right? You must choose your battles. Truthfully, to co-parent successfully you must give in sometimes. Compromise is key, right?

I understand for many people compromising with an ex can seem like making a deal with the devil but again, in terms of needing to compromise, protecting your sanity and most importantly, what is best for the children, you must let go of the rope!

Let me say, I know many instances pride will be a factor in never wanting to surrender in the game of tug of war. Hey I get it! I am a strong-minded woman, prideful and hates losing. However, I’ve let go of the rope a time or two. We say things in anger and say things we want or how we want things to be post break up or divorce but like with anything time heals and eventually, mindsets change.

For example, my ex-husband and I originally agreed to not only wait to introduce our children to a significant other until we’ve dated that person a few months. We also initially agreed we would want to meet this said significant other. Looking back now it was just a control thing and a tit for tat type exchange. Here we are several months later both in relationships and now neither of us care to meet the significant other before the kids and loosened our grips on dictating when the other should introduce significant others to the kids.

Is it growth? Perhaps. I feel as though it could be growth but also time. Time which provides healing and clearer thinking. For me and my circumstance with the divorce, time has surely helped clear my head of negative feelings and emotions. Has helped me heal and be able to process the breakup of my marriage and how I want my co-parenting relationship to look like moving forward.

Just like anything in life you must know when to give and take. It is an important attribute to have in life particularly when you must deal with people harmoniously for the betterment of others, children especially. You certainly don’t want your children involved in an ongoing struggle and being pulled each way.

So, when it comes to co-parenting you must take losses at times. You must release the rope and let another person win sometimes. Not only is it fair for give and take but also it is good for your own soul. It is exhausting to keep pulling and be at a standstill. Release the rope and release the tension and emotions that can potentially drag you down.