36 Weeks Met

At the stroke of midnight marked 36 weeks. When I last wrote my blog it was at the beginning of the craziness that ensued regarding my blood pressure issues. Here I am 6 weeks later, still on ‘bed rest’ but have an increased dosage of blood pressure meds, multiple doctor visits, another visit to the ER and so many other wonderful tidbits and I’m no more sure of whats going to happen with this pregnancy than I did 6 weeks ago.

I’ve heard ‘Oh we won’t let you go past 36 weeks’. ‘Oh definitely not 37 weeks’ and I’ve also heard ‘well if things stay pretty regular we can possibly push it to 38’.  I’m tired y’all. Not so much physically tired from the pregnancy just emotionally.

To have your life practically on hold for 6 weeks and then told oh maybe a bit longer is just exhausting. I can’t work like I want to. I can’t do much around the house like I want to. I literally look around at all the crap I could be or should be doing and because i’m limited I can’t…and it sucks!

I try to constantly remind myself at least AJ is good and healthy. He passes all his tests with flying colors and is looking good and strong. It could’ve been a lot worse at the start of my troubles. Luckily we’ve managed to stay clear of Pre-eclampsia which I know is a sneaky bastard and can be detrimental to both mom and/or baby. So I do know I have much to be thankful for health wise for him.

Now besides the up and down of my hypertension it is just the ‘lets wait and see’ attitude from my doctors. See, I’m not a ‘wait and see’ kind of gal. I like dates. I like to live by a calendar. I like to know my next move for things so that I can plan and prep accordingly. At this point just give me a damn end date. That’s all….Not so hard really…just a date! Pick one, I don’t really care but just to have the validation of this date is it is all I really need at this point.

I’m hoping my next appointment brings some sort of good news but who knows. BLAH

❤  A

Down for the Count

Well my super easy pregnancy hit a brick wall as soon as I hit 29 weeks. That whole week was consumed by high blood pressure readings and more blood draws than usual.

Yesterday, at 30 weeks, my blood pressure got higher than it’s ever been and I just didn’t feel good at work. So per doctors orders, yesterday evening Rich and I headed to the hospital in a torrential downpour, for the 40 min drive to St. Joseph’s Women’s.

All my bloodwork and lab work has come back good. The baby is doing well too; which is all good news but my blood pressure numbers just are not cooperating.

So today marked the beginning of the rest of my pregnancy. BED REST. Bed rest along with blood pressure meds and weekly visits to the doctor. (Enter a long sigh)

Feeling defeated is an understatement. Being told I can’t do something doesn’t sit well with me; Especially being A-type personality and some would say “control freak” (like it’s a bad thing)

*eye roll*

So I’m trying to do what I can work wise from home. Trying to stay in bed as much as I can bare. Just trying to do as very little as possible without pushing it too far.

The plan is to at least make it to 36 weeks. Which will put me at early October. So long as he’s doing good and I’m good.

So now we just wait and see.

Things NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

I got it with my pregnancies with Avah and Ayden. So of course, I’m getting it now with AJ. Difference is I was younger and bit nicer with those pregnancies. I’m not as young and damn sure not as nice. I understand people run out of shit to say. I mean sure the courteous thing to do would be to ask “how are you feeling?” or “How are things going with the pregnancy?” Ya know decent things to say. But no, apparently the usual pregnancy comments that MANY women face are negative and commentary on how big they are. Like as if us pregant women don’t feel crappy enough. Oh you mean this bowling ball I carry around 24/7 and try to sleep with at night? (Ya know, I didn’t even realize it existed until your comment!???)

Almost daily, I and i’m sure MANY OTHERS hear the following:

  1. “You’re huge/big/large/massive etc…”
  2. “Is it twins in there?”
  3. “We’re you this big with your other babies?”
  4. “Should you be eating that?”
  5. “You’re about to pop!”
  6. “So and so isn’t as big as you…”
  7. “You must be due soon”

THUMPER

Let me just reiterate some things so I don’t have to keep repeating myself in defense of my bump size and before you decide to slap a ‘WIDE LOAD’ sticker on my back:

  • I’m growing a human. Plain and simple.
  • I’m short w/ a short torso (there’s nowhere for me to grow but outward!)
  • On top of a baby, I also have a large fibroid growing in my uterus. So that doesn’t help much.
  • This is my 3rd baby (you get bigger with each subsequent pregnancy- GOOGLE it!).
  • I’m healthy, my baby is healthy and my doctor is extremely happy with my progress thus far in regards to weight gain.
  • oh and lastly…. BITE ME! 😉

Related image

ADRIAN

Time Goes So Fast

Last post on my blog, in January, I posted a picture with a quote about trying. Well because that was that day my husband and I talked and decided we will actively try to get pregnant. After talking we decided that we did in fact want to have one more child together. Collectively, we have a good number however, together we only have Ayden. After the miscarriage last year and healing emotionally from that we knew in our hearts that we did in fact want to try again. So January 19th we decided 2018 will be the year. If it happens great, if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be and we’d be okay with that too.

Well I conceived around Valentine’s day and it’s all been quite a blur since. Everything is going well with my pregnancy and as of today I am now 21 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. Ayden is SUPER excited to be big brother. He is constantly talking to the baby, desperately wants him to kick his hand. He’s already so attentive to me and the baby he’s going to be a great big brother.

This pregnancy at times seems to be flying by. Even though it’s rough on my body some days I try to remember to enjoy it because this is the absolute last time I’ll experience this. So I just try to remind myself of that. However, it’s been 8 years since I was pregnant with Ayden so most days my body is cursing me out for doing this again.

Hopefully, I can stay up to date with my blog but there’s no promises. Time is just going so fast it’s so hard to keep up!

❤ Adrian

mothers day

Mother’s Day 2018

 

December 17th

I knew the date December 17th would come and I knew it would bring up emotions and would sting a bit. I didn’t however, expect the date’s impending arrival to hit me as hard as it has. These past couple of days have been so excruciating (surprisingly though today, Saturday, has been good). I’ve been withdrawn from practically everyone. I cry at night; alone. I hold it together just enough to get inside my office and just fall apart all over again. Thursday I left my office and as soon as I got in my car, I cried. Yesterday I cried some more.

It just hit me the other day. It was like opening a flood gate of emotions and I can’t shut it off. I don’t know if all this emotion and sadness is attributed to the due date and loss only. Or perhaps all the other crap in my life is why I’m taking this so hard. The holidays certainly don’t help but I gotta put on a brave face and have a happy Christmas for my kids. 

Just the thought that this week we’d be having our baby just cuts me to the core. I so badly wanted to do something on the due date to remember and honor the loss but we have no money. Maybe that attributes to my sadness too; Not being able to do something in memory. I thought about making an ornament or something in a little picture frame and then it dawned on me that I don’t even have a sonogram picture. It’s like the whole pregnancy is a figment of my imagination; but the pain is certainly real. 

I do believe that everything happens for a reason. The good and the bad. But sometimes that belief still don’t ease the pain. I’m hoping my winter break from work will allow me to rest and get refocused and heal again. I really had a tough 2017 and I so badly want to leave all the hurt behind. 

❤ Adrian

My Reset Time

So I tried. Honestly, I did. I erased all the apps and up until today, I had remained off all of my social media sites. A whole 4 days! It was nice and refreshing not to be plagued by all the Hollywood gossip, horrible news around the world or the incomprehensible actions of the day by #45 and his circus. However, the reality is, social media is a huge part of me and looking back I needed more than a time away from social media; I needed a reset. 

Life gets insane at times. Mine is definitely no exception. Last week, I had that moment where all the crap in your life that you just pile on and keep on going until you just basically say “f*%# this I’m over it”. Basically, that was me last week. 

Many know what is going on in my personal life with my family. Add that to my usual life of two kids (one whose teacher and school workload will drive me insane by the end of the year and my oldest, who is like a living version of Dr. Jekl and Mr. Hyde and I never know what day she will have), a husband, a household and not to mention assisting an office and 21 people. It’s a lot and I rarely stop. So you can imagine the weight that I pile on to where I just said “enough”.

Luckily, I was able to remove myself from socials for a few days. I’m on vacation this whole week of Thanksgiving and it’s been a great time to catch up on sleep and get a grip on my life. It’s been nice and honestly what I needed. 

I simply needed a reset! We all need reset time. It’s not easy this thing called life; however, the good parts surely outweigh the bad.

❤ Adrian