This Spring I endured a loss that so many women go through; a miscarriage. In fact, the whole being pregnant then enduring the loss all seemed like a whirlwind. It all happened so fast. By the time I wrapped my head around the fact I was pregnant again and finally came to the realization that ‘hey we can do this’, it was over. Looking back, it almost felt like one of those tests to see how you truly feel about something. Like, a test to see if we really wanted to add to our family again. (Which as a side note we failed because we both still don’t know how we feel about this) I mean it had been almost 7 years since we had Ayden. We weren’t trying to conceive again but nor were we trying to prevent it. It just never happened; until this year.
One of the biggest mistakes was telling so many people so quickly. Again, it all happened so fast, I think we were so stunned that all sensibility just went out the window. Mostly, I regret that we told Ayden. He was the most excited. It was hard the day I got the news and when Rich and the kids came home and all three climbed in bed with me and hugged me. Rich had told him the baby was sick and not in my tummy anymore. I remember Ayden asking if God was going to fix the baby and put it back. I just lost it.
I will remember that day, the office visit and moment with my family, for the rest of my life. Though the pain has subsided the memory will stay with me. That week was rough for me. I wept a lot. It came in waves. Luckily, my mommy was with me for a few days. I lived off Wawa’s mac and cheese and toll house cookie dough. I dreaded going back to work but honestly getting back into my routine and my busy life helped me deal and overcome the sadness. I turned my energy to getting back into 5ks and also projects around the house.
We are doing much better as a family and have moved on. I of course, think about what could of been often but it doesn’t hurt as much. I had a moment about a week ago, I was scrolling through my 8,000 emails in my Yahoo account (not exaggerating there are literally that many, maybe more) and saw an email from one of those pregnancy newsletter things you sign up for that tells you where your at with your pregnancy. ( I thought I deleted my subscription but I guess not). The email said it was my 18th week and we should soon find out the sex of the baby. Not going to lie it stung a bit. I was able to reflect, wipe the tears and carry on.
I was about 6-7 weeks when I miscarried and again, I had only known I was pregnant for about two weeks, so as much as it hurt to go through this miscarriage, I know so many other women endure so much worse. Some have miscarriages much later in their pregnancy. Some have multiple miscarriages. Some women struggle for years to conceive. I know that I am fortunate for my babies. So keeping all that in perspective has helped me carry on and not to dwell. Plus, I’m just one tough broad. I don’t stay down too long.
We will always remember our angel baby and think about what if(and hey Angel is an ‘A’ name so it keeps within the tradition of A names). December 17th was the projected due date and that day may sting a bit too. Again, I will reflect and maybe cry a bit but will be okay in the end.
My last post was about how dormant my blog is and how I had hope to write more in 2017. Well that was a complete bust! Here we are halfway through the year already (seriously where does the time freaking go!?!)
At the beginning of this year I chose to make this year about me. Me and only me. Okay, I mean I didn’t stop being a mom or wife or anything but I chose to focus on me more for sure. Sorry if that makes me seem super selfish but I had to. So at the start of the year I wanted to try and focus on getting healthy. I hate saying “It’s my New Year’s resolution” it was more of ‘Damn it, I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired’. So in January I purchased a Fitbit and ‘got to steppin’. I started walking on my lunch breaks, walking around my neighborhood. I was moving and groovin’. I was eating healthier and making better choices about food.
By the recommendation from a friend, I watched the documentary ‘From Fat to Finish Line‘ and joined their Facebook community. Talk about jaw dropping inspiration. It literally made me want to hop off the couch and run, and I hated running. So I then decided I wanted to try, so I bought a Garmin tracking watch and started jogging. Now let me rephrase that, I jogged about 10 seconds and walked most the time until I could catch my breath to jog another 10 seconds. But hey I did it! Soon I was doing my first 5k at HCC in February. Now granted, I ‘trained’ for a little bit and jogged some of the race but walked the majority of it. None the less, I had fun, I had a walking buddy and we at least hit our goal of finishing under an hour. So kuddos to us!
After my first 5k in February I signed up for more virtual 5ks to keep me motivated because who isn’t motivated by fancy medals?! (only me? okay cool.) I continued jogging/walking and working out at home and in my free time enjoyed working out in my yard. (crazy I know, seriously who is this chick?!?) Around Easter, I had a life event that I will write about in another post, that shook up my family and I’s life which knocked me off my groove big time.
When I was able to resume working out, I went on to complete two 5ks and walked/jogged when I could. Slowly trying to build up the momentum I once had.
Now we are in middle of Summer in Florida so I rarely walk at lunchtime due to trying to live to see another day and not pass out from heat exhaustion. I always aim to walk or run after work however, every afternoon, we have a small hurricane blow through and that makes it difficult to go outside.
I’ve been off with my eating too. I feel myself slipping into my old routines and it sucks because I recognize it and sometimes feel I can reign it in and then wham… That (insert crap food of choice) looks delicious! It is a struggle for sure. I am determined to get back on track. I don’t want to slide back into my old ways and gain all that I’ve lost thus far (23 lbs by the way).
I am determined to end this year on a good note! I will let you know how that goes, if I remember not to abandon my blog again.
So my blog has been dormant for quite sometime. Here I am checking in only to see my last blog written was what I was thankful for last year around this time. Also, found out that I had started a ‘Cheers to 2015’ blog for New Years Eve last year, only to save it as a draft and not publish it. Good grief my life!
I do love to write and really wish I made more of an effort to write on here often. Trust me, I have plenty to say but between work, home and kids I find myself having little time to put my thoughts and words into a sentence much less a full blog or article. By the time I get home in the evening I’m waving the white flag and most times find myself on my couch staring at the TV because lets be honest, most of the television today requires no thinking or even brain cells.
I really want to try and keep up with my writing I at least hope to give a valiant effort but there’s no promises. Truly, life is happenings at warp speed right now.
Well this year has passed by in a nanosecond! Here we are the day before Thanksgiving. Publix is a cluster F%*&. My emails are bombarded with Black Friday deal teasers and this year, due to my complete insanity and quest for home ownership I now am working a second job IN RETAIL. HELP ME!
As much as I can go on about the craziness of the season that is about to ensue, I wanted to write a quick post about what I am thankful for. Why, because that is what we as Americans do. We stop for one day and say what we are thankful for only to flip the script and became ravenous holiday shoppers until we pass out or have mental breakdowns before Christmas Eve.
Any who, I myself have a lot to be thankful for this year.
I am thankful for my family and friends and their health.
I am thankful for my husband and kids.
I am thankful that I somewhat have some sanity left (although some would argue that’s a stretch).
I am thankful for wine for allowing me to keep that small amount of sanity.
I am thankful for CARD and my co-workers.
I am thankful for Dunkin Donuts Mocha Macchiato each morning for giving me a swift kick in the arse so that I can function and work each day and be somewhat pleasant.
I am thankful that I graduated from USF and will no longer have to write a paper or take an exam.
I am thankful for my discovery of the TV shows, Scandal & The Royals.
Mainly, and being serious, I am thankful that 2015 has been a great year thus far. I can only hope that 2016 will follow suit.
I wish you all and your family a Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve been asked my opinion about his great debate so many times i’ve lost count. So i’ve decided to write my thoughts on this so that in the future I can just provide a link to my blog….LOL So here it goes….
It has been a long standing debate about vaccines & the cause for autism. The battle lines have been clearly drawn on this issue. It most likely will continue for quite sometime as there currently is no known cause for autism. All we know about autism is that it has increased significantly just within the last 10 years, now at 1 in 68 children, 1 in 54 boys specifically.
Since there is no known cause many feel that vaccines are the culprit. Many also feel that on top of the shots environmental factors play a role. There are many theories that have been pushed into the public, mainstream media regarding the cause: ranging from flu shots in mothers while pregnant, pitocin medicine given during delivery and even c-sections were once considered a possible cause.
There are also the cases where doctors are over diagnosing kids (I’ve seen it) parents will stop at nothing to get a diagnosis of something so generally doctors hand out autism diagnosis because it is such a varied, wide range diagnosis anything could easily fall on the autism spectrum; which this could also explain the increase in diagnosis numbers as well.
However, there still is not any clear cut indication what causes autism or how to ‘prevent’ it. Autism is definitely neurological what researchers are looking at are these children born with these neurological defects that develop over time or are the defects caused or intensified by an out of utero variant. That is still the big mystery.
As a mother, my personal feelings are as such:
I feel it is a genetic/biologic gene that is mutated or deformed by some variant whether that is in fact the shots OR environmental factors.
I don’t believe it is JUST the shots nor just biological because again families who have multiple children can have 1 out of 5 kids have autism. Also, if it is just the shots why is EVERY child not affected by autism. Some children get all their shots and are not on the spectrum.
As for the great SHOT debate I continue to vaccinate my daughter but space them out. I also do this with my neuro-typical son who does not have autism. I space them out not because of fear of autism or the rise of the numbers but because there are just too many especially given all at once.
There are a number of swimming lessons and water safety education resources throughout the communities we serve through CARD-USF. They may or may not have expertise working with students with autism spectrum disorder. CARD-USF staff provide trainings upon request to various recreation programs, but even with our training, you need to make sure the instructors and programs you choose are right for your family. Please let us know if there are some terrific programs that worked well for your family so we can share the good news with other families. Here is a list of resources for all 14 counties we serve: swim lessons
Disclaimer: As a policy, CARD will not lend its name to the endorsement of any specific program, practice, or model that is offered for service to people with autism and related disabilities. However, the sharing of information and training opportunities are key functions of the…
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