Overcoming Our Loss

This Spring I endured a loss that so many women go through; a miscarriage. In fact, the whole being pregnant then enduring the loss all seemed like a whirlwind. It all happened so fast. By the time I wrapped my head around the fact I was pregnant again and finally came to the realization that ‘hey we can do this’, it was over. Looking back, it almost felt like one of those tests to see how you truly feel about something. Like, a test to see if we really wanted to add to our family again. (Which as a side note we failed because we both still don’t know how we feel about this) I mean it had been almost 7 years since we had Ayden. We weren’t trying to conceive again but nor were we trying to prevent it. It just never happened; until this year.

One of the biggest mistakes was telling so many people so quickly. Again, it all happened so fast, I think we were so stunned that all sensibility just went out the window. Mostly, I regret that we told Ayden. He was the most excited. It was hard the day I got the news and when Rich and the kids came home and all three climbed in bed with me and hugged me. Rich had told him the baby was sick and not in my tummy anymore. I remember Ayden asking if God was going to fix the baby and put it back. I just lost it.

I will remember that day, the office visit and moment with my family, for the rest of my life. Though the pain has subsided the memory will stay with me. That week was rough for me. I wept a lot. It came in waves. Luckily, my mommy was with me for a few days. I lived off Wawa’s mac and cheese and toll house cookie dough. I dreaded going back to work but honestly getting back into my routine and my busy life helped me deal and overcome the sadness. I turned my energy to getting back into 5ks and also projects around the house.

We are doing much better as a family and have moved on. I of course, think about what could of been often but it doesn’t hurt as much. I had a moment about a week ago, I was scrolling through my 8,000 emails in my Yahoo account (not exaggerating there are literally that many, maybe more) and saw an email from one of those pregnancy newsletter things you sign up for that tells you where your at with your pregnancy. ( I thought I deleted my subscription but I guess not). The email said it was my 18th week and we should soon find out the sex of the baby. Not going to lie it stung a bit. I was able to reflect, wipe the tears and carry on.

I was about 6-7 weeks when I miscarried and again, I had only known I was pregnant for about two weeks, so as much as it hurt to go through this miscarriage, I know so many other women endure so much worse. Some have miscarriages much later in their pregnancy. Some have multiple miscarriages. Some women struggle for years to conceive.  I know that I am fortunate for my babies. So keeping all that in perspective has helped me carry on and not to dwell. Plus, I’m just one tough broad. I don’t stay down too long.

We will always remember our angel baby and think about what if(and hey Angel is an ‘A’ name so it keeps within the tradition of A names). December 17th was the projected due date and that day may sting a bit too. Again, I will reflect and maybe cry a bit but will be okay in the end.

qutoe

❤ Adrian

 

 

 

 

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What A Journey So Far…

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My last post was about how dormant my blog is and how I had hope to write more in 2017. Well that was a complete bust! Here we are halfway through the year already (seriously where does the time freaking go!?!)

At the beginning of this year I chose to make this year about me. Me and only me. Okay, I mean I didn’t stop being a mom or wife or anything but I chose to focus on me more for sure. Sorry if that makes me seem super selfish but I had to. So at the start of the year I wanted to try and focus on getting healthy. I hate saying “It’s my New Year’s resolution” it was more of ‘Damn it, I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired’. So in January I purchased a Fitbit and ‘got to steppin’. I started walking on my lunch breaks, walking around my neighborhood. I was moving and groovin’. I was eating healthier and making better choices about food.

By the recommendation from a friend, I watched the documentary ‘From Fat to Finish Line‘ and joined their Facebook community. Talk about jaw dropping inspiration. It literally made me want to hop off the couch and run, and I hated running. So I then decided I wanted to try, so I bought a Garmin tracking watch and started jogging. Now let me rephrase that, I jogged about 10 seconds and walked most the time until I could catch my breath to jog another 10 seconds. But hey I did it! Soon I was doing my first 5k at HCC in February. Now granted, I ‘trained’ for a little bit and jogged some of the race but walked the majority of it. None the less, I had fun, I had a walking buddy and we at least hit our goal of finishing under an hour. So kuddos to us!

After my first 5k in February I signed up for more virtual 5ks to keep me motivated because who isn’t motivated by fancy medals?! (only me? okay cool.) I continued jogging/walking and working out at home and in my free time enjoyed working out in my yard. (crazy I know, seriously who is this chick?!?) Around Easter, I had a life event that I will write about in another post, that shook up my family and I’s life which knocked me off my groove big time.

When I was able to resume working out, I went on to complete two 5ks and walked/jogged when I could. Slowly trying to build up the momentum I once had.

Now we are in middle of Summer in Florida so I rarely walk at lunchtime due to trying to live to see another day and not pass out from heat exhaustion. I always aim to walk or run after work however, every afternoon, we have a small hurricane blow through and that makes it difficult to go outside.

I’ve been off with my eating too. I feel myself slipping into my old routines and it sucks because I recognize it and sometimes feel I can reign it in and then wham… That (insert crap food of choice) looks delicious! It is a struggle for sure. I am determined to get back on track. I don’t want to slide back into my old ways and gain all that I’ve lost thus far (23 lbs by the way).Image result for running motivation meme

I am determined to end this year on a good note! I will let you know how that goes, if I remember not to abandon my blog again.

 

Midway comparison

 

❤ Adrian

2012 in review…Welcoming 2013 with open arms!

2013

As I look back on 2012 it was an ok year the best part is the world didn’t end so suck on that Mayans and theorists. There were some high points and some low points but for the most part it was a good year. I look forward to the New Year and what 2013 will bring to my family and friends.

2012 started on a low for me and my family as we lost my Great-Grandmother. She is missed but the great thing is she left us all with so many great memories and so many ‘Hazel moments’ that we will never fall short of having something to laugh about.

R.I.P Great Grandma

R.I.P Great Grandma

2012 was a good year for me academically I graduated from HCC and went on to USF to continue on with my education. I am currently working towards my Bachelors in Communications and my first semester there I did well. I am enjoying being a Bull and I love being part of USF. This past fall, I became active in the Autism Speaks U chapter and became the Secretary of the organization. Now heading into the spring semester and into 2013 I am Co-President of the organization alongside Georgette, a new friend of mine.

My family and I at my Graduation

My family and I at my Graduation

bulls

Go Bulls!

I also had a great internship this year with the Greater Temple Terrace Chamber of Commerce which I am thankful for the opportunity. I met many great people from my few months of internship. I am especially thankful for the friendship that I gained from it. Lauren and I have become great friends with LOTS in common: USF, Communication major, social media, and we love wine. We have a lot of fun and I’m sure it will continue into 2013 and beyond.

Lauren and I at the Annual Banquet

Lauren and I at the Annual Banquet

Avah is doing great in school and her speech gets better and better each day! She is starting to lose all her baby teeth, she is getting so big and becoming a big girl. I know 2013 she will continue on with her great strides and grow even more. I am so proud of her! Ayden my little whirlwind is my social butterfly. He has so much energy and loves life! I can’t wait for him to start ‘school’ this coming year and see him develope even more. I love watching the both of them play. He has helped Avah so much and though she doesn’t interact much with her peers her love and fondness of her brother is undeniable. ❤

My babies turned 7 & 2

My babies turned 7 & 2

October 20, 2012 was supposed to be Rich and I’s wedding but we had to make the decision to put it on hold. I know one day it will happen in due time. So for what would have been our wedding weekend we went on a fabulous weekend getaway to Orlando and had a great time. We try to at least have one getaway a year and for some reason, so far, it’s always been Orlando. Maybe 2013 will take us somewhere different?

<3

City Walk

City Walk

In December of this year I went back to work full -time for the first time in nearly two years. I always said that if I was going to go back full time it would have to an amazing opportunity. I was given that amazing opportunity I was waiting for! I began working at USF on December 3rd as the Program Assistant for the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities. In the past, I have helped guide families to resources and what to do next after the initial diagnosis of autism and I love helping families because I remember being in their shoes not too long ago, so being in this position to help and being surrounded by others in an office that has the same love and passion to help families and individuals with ASD is such an awesome experience. I am ready to learn and grow with this position in 2013.

RIch and the kids' first Bucs game!

RIch and the kids’ first Bucs game!

2013 is going to be great! There are so many great things happening this year! My best friend Brea is set to give birth to a baby soon and hopefully for her sake REAL soon. My other best friend Melodee is set to get married March 9th. She has waited for this day for so long and it’s finally happening. I couldn’t be happier for her and am proud to stand beside her on her big day. I am also extremely excited to be an aunt! My brother and his girlfriend Jessica will be welcoming the newest member to our family in June and I am so excited for them and can’t wait to meet my niece or nephew. My cousin Gabe is graduating high school and will be attending the University of Tampa next Fall. It is crazy how time flies as I remember watching him as a baby and now he is young man! We also have a big birthday to celebrate as Rich will be the big 3-0! (He’s not going to be happy I shared that lol). My babies will be 8 and 3 this year. I can’t believe it. I do believe 2013 will be a great year!

There are so many things great things happening all around me. Looking at my calendar of events and to do’s already makes me tired but it will be worth it. I have a great loving family, my children are happy and healthy, and 2013 will bring many great things our way. I wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year! Stay safe tonight!

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013!